Things are going well here, all in all. I am becoming more and more adjusted to my new life, and falling more and more in love with my new home.
A few events have driven home how much I like it here since last I posted. Firstly, my dear wonderful friend Alana (who writes the delicious blog Pecan Pie) came to pay me a visit in the depths of my loneliness and heartache over missing Florida, friends and family. Her being here did wonders for my outlook. I can't possibly thank her enough. Then, my in-laws came to visit, and showing them the majesty and splendor of the Shenandoah Valley made me realize how lucky I am to be here in a place so beautiful.
But perhaps the most face-smacking of all the realizations came when Hazen and I visited Florida for a week in early June. It was awesome seeing my family again. I had missed them all so incredibly. And hanging out with my friends was fantastic and being in a place where I am utterly familiar, running into people I knew wherever I went, was bittersweet. I had loathed the unexpected social encounters so much when I lived in Florida only to learn how much I had taken for granted the specialness of being a local.
All that said, I was utterly uninspired while in Florida. Despite all the joy in my heart, my psyche was suffering a deep and unshakable ennui. And I missed Patrick more than I can ever describe. I kept turning to tell him something, or counting him when telling a hostess how many was in our party. I felt a gut-wrenching home-sickness and sorrow my first two months away from my family, but it was nothing to the void left by the absence of my husband. It became completely clear that Florida was no longer home. And really, it was only home because it was where everything I loved was. While much of what I love is still there, they aren't Patrick. They aren't my best friend, my soul mate, the father of my child. Before I moved, I was petrified about leaving everyone behind. I had always been so geographically close to my family, that I was afraid that the distance would leave me empty. But I learned that my family will always be there for me, and while I will always yearn to be with them all again, I will be OK 900 miles away from them as long as I have Patrick and Hazen. They are the center of my life now. And wherever the three of us are, as long as we're together, it's home. Kind of sad and silly that it took all of this for me to understand it.
Wow. This entry turned a lot more gushy and emotional than I had originally planned. I promise next time it will be superficial and full of pictures!
Yes, interesting post. So often partings are worse in prospect or in theory than they are in practice.
ReplyDelete